Lawyers

It's true that Dorothy, Tom, Beth and Denise gave me a fair share of migraines. However, as it got closer to September, a new breed of tenants emerged: LAW students. Law students are the absolute worst tenants to have (If you are a law student, YES I'm talking to you!). Every time I answered "no" to one of their requests, I would get a letter dropped underneath my office door citing various legal terms, and why I am "legally liable" for their well being. These contract breeders made me feel like "no" was an illegal term. To this day, I still find other words to say no such as, "hell no" or "are you stupid?" or "talk to me again, and I'll kill you."

My first Law student experience was with Brendan. Brendan went to GWU, and decided out of the blue that he wanted to move out a week after his lease expired. He called me two mornings before he was scheduled to move out:

"Hi Allison. It's Brendan from 903. I wanted to know if it would be alright if I took an extra week to move out. I just broke up with my girlfriend, and it's just taking a bit longer to get some stuff out."

"I'm sorry to hear that Brendan," I said. "But we have to get your apartment ready for the new tenant moving in next week. Our staff would be happy to help you move out if need be."

To this, Brendan replied "OK" and hung up. The next morning, before I could even open my blueberry yogurt, I saw Brendan slide a letter under my office door and walk away. I put down my yogurt and opened his letter instead. The letter was typed on thick off-white paper, and I may have been imagining this, but I think the paper smelled like felafel.

Brendan's opening statement: "Motion to extend Move-Out Date By 72 Hours." If I had rolled my eyes any harder, they would still be lodged in my skull.

"Dear Allison:

I apologize for ending our conversation yesterday so abruptly. I was saddened by the prospect of my personal life being infringed upon. I understand the terms of my lease. However due to unexpected personal drama of my break up, and my emotional status, it is beneficial to my health and well being to take a little extra time to move my belongings. With the added pressure of school, it would almost be physically impossible for me to move out my posters, which are of high value, and my very clunky furniture. After this extensive discovery, I hope you will rescind you previous statement preventing me from moving out at a later date, and understand these unexpected circumstances.

Fondly, Brendan (903)"

I felt weird reading such a formal letter since my gap shirt had several hot sauce stains on it, and I wasn't wearing any underwear. Now I had to write a letter back to Brendan without sounding like I wanted to throw his clunky furniture out the window. The worst part is that Brendan had been dating this girl for no more than two weeks! I knew this is because she picked up his mail one afternoon and made some lame joke like "we just started dating, and he's already asking me to get his mail. hehehe." Maybe that's why they broke up. Maybe Brendan's girlfriend refused to get his mail, and Brendan chose to write a letter to her, requesting that she retrieve his mail to save the relationship.

It was time to squash this legal bug. I had to write a letter equally as compelling, but sharp enough to make him back down. Brendan may attend one of the top law schools in the nation, but I've watched about 3 years of Law and Order.

"Dear Brendan:

We are deeply sorry about your emotional state. Unfortunately, your personal life has nothing to do with your lease terms for this apartment. If you wish to appeal this statement, you'll have to take it up with the head of the company, who helped me write this statement. Again, if you need help moving your belongings, please do not hesitate to ask. Thanks again."